Overwhelming Need for Approval
How Seeking Constant Validation Impacts Your Teen's Self-Esteem
Is your teen constantly seeking approval? It could be damaging their self-esteem and mental health.
As a parent, you want the best for your teen. You may have noticed your child seeking approval from others—whether it’s through social media likes or praise from friends—and wondering why their self-esteem seems to fluctuate so dramatically. The need for constant validation can be exhausting for both you and your teen, and over time, it can impact their mental health, especially anxiety.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many teens rely on external validation to feel good about themselves, but this behavior can lead to long-term emotional struggles. Let’s dive into why this happens and what you can do to help your teen break the cycle.
Why Teens Seek Validation
Seeking validation from others is normal, especially during adolescence. Teens are figuring out who they are, and they often look to their peers and social media for reassurance that they’re doing things “right.” However, when this need for approval becomes constant, it can lead to unstable self-esteem.
Teens might feel great after receiving compliments or social media likes, but if that validation is absent, they often feel insecure or anxious. This rollercoaster of emotions is a sign that their self-worth is tied to others’ opinions—a pattern that can damage their mental health over time.
The Impact of External Validation on Self-Esteem
When teens rely on external validation, their self-esteem can fluctuate wildly. One minute, your teen might feel confident because of a compliment or online praise, but the next, they may feel inadequate if that approval isn’t there. For example, a teen who gets 200 likes on an Instagram post might feel great, but if their next post only gets 30 likes, their self-esteem might plummet. Over time, this dependence on others' opinions can contribute to deeper issues, like anxiety and low self-worth.
Constant validation-seeking can take a toll on your teen’s mental health, particularly when it comes to anxiety. Some common effects include:
Increased stress and anxiety: The pressure to live up to others’ expectations can lead to anxiety.
Fear of rejection: Teens may avoid situations where they could face criticism or rejection.
People-pleasing: Constantly trying to make others happy, even at their own expense.
Insecurity in relationships: Your teen may struggle to form healthy, stable relationships if their sense of self-worth depends on others.
The Role of Social Media in Your Teen’s Life
Social media plays a significant role in amplifying your teen’s need for approval. Likes, comments, and shares can serve as instant validation, but they can also create a comparison trap, where your teen measures their worth against curated images of their peers. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and even depression.
For teens in New Jersey and Vermont, social media is often a key part of their social lives, but it’s important to help them navigate these platforms in a healthy way.
As a parent you play a crucial role in helping your teen build internal validation—the ability to feel good about themselves regardless of others’ opinions. Here are a few ways you can support them:
Encourage self-awareness: Help your teen recognize when they’re seeking approval and talk about how it affects their emotions.
Teach them mindfulness: Encourage your teen to pause and ask themselves, “Do I need someone else’s approval, or can I feel proud of myself?” This helps them build internal self-worth.
Set boundaries around social media: Talk with your teen about setting healthy limits on social media use and explain how it can impact their self-esteem. Download my boundary setting workbook.
The overwhelming need for approval can damage your teen’s self-esteem and contribute to anxiety, but with the right support, they can break free from this cycle. You have the power to help your teen build internal validation and grow into a confident, self-assured individual.
At Hanisch Counseling Services, we specialize in working with teens struggling with anxiety and self-esteem. Through proven approaches like CBT and EMDR, we help teens in New Jersey (click HERE to learn more) and Vermont (click HERE to learn more) develop the tools they need to feel good about themselves—without relying on the opinions of others.
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